Lucy+C's+Final+AmEx+Speech+2016


 * Self Hatred & Self acceptance **

These days almost everyone has a mental list of all the things about themselves that make them unhappy. We continuously set out to meet the ridiculously high and unrealistic standards in society. But who sets these standards? And why do we try to meet them even when we know how unrealistic they are? The answer is conformity. Our society is based around conformity. God forbid we end up being different. While conforming to societies’ standards, we may lose ourselves on the way. We may even begin to hate ourselves for our individuality and our differences. When mild discontent with oneself turns into extreme hatred, it is no longer an issue that can be ignored and pushed aside. Self loathing refers to an extreme dislike or hatred of oneself, or being angry and/or prejudiced against oneself. Hating yourself is hard to deal with because no matter how much you wish for it, you won’t ever have that Freaky Friday moment and wake up as somebody else. You are you for the long run, whether you can accept it or not. No matter how much you despise yourself.

The question is, “W//hat// causes us to reject ourselves?” Some people have the misfortune of being born into a family where their parents belittle or ignore them, preventing a healthy self esteem from forming. Others are born viewing themselves negatively due to physical appearances, disabilities, or for no particular reason anyone, including themselves, knows. I used to think my list of self criticisms, were //just// criticisms. Unfortunately I realized that’s probably not the case anymore. When you see them for what they really are, self criticisms are just another form of hatred. My extreme loathing towards myself began when I started dancing. In ballet, “you’re required to wear skin tight clothes and dance in front of large mirrors for hours at a time” (Coachup). There’s nowhere to hide. During class and rehearsal I couldn’t help but compare myself to the tall, lean dancers that I was surrounded by 5 days a week. I’d look at their long legs and perfectly sized waists and then back at my short, stubby body, wishing I looked like them. I began conveniently running out of time for breakfast and forgetting to pack lunches. Unfortunately, eating disorders are extremely common in the ballet community. “On average the amount of eating disorders in the middle class population is about one in one hundred. In ballet, the number is one in five” (Coachup). “Studies have shown that girls in ballet begin to express concerns about their weight and becoming too fat as early as the age of six” (Coachup). Realistically, only a few people //actually// have the “ideal” dancer body. However that didn’t stop me and numerous others from trying to achieve that image of the ideal body. My unhealthy habits continued for about 4 years which began to affect me not only physically but mentally and emotionally. I became depressed.

“Depression is something that many people often interpret as a ‘temporary sadness’ or a ‘state of mind” (Sullivan). Recent data has shown that today there are approximately 350 million people worldwide, suffering from depression. “Some people are born with a chemical imbalance, while depression begins to develop in others who have been exposed to a great deal of stress over an extended period of time” (Sullivan). With the added pressures of school and life in general, my unhappiness continued to increase. My anti-social tendencies, scarred body tissue, and irritable nature were all indicators that something was wrong. Because anger is an easier emotion to process, my sadness turned into monumental amounts of hatred towards myself and others. It’s hard to accept those around you when you can barely tolerate yourself.

Self hatred affects us in ways we normally wouldn’t consider. It //changes// the way we interact. It changes the way we feel about others //and// the way we treat them. “We adapt to our inner critic by treating it like a coach and listening to its destructive advice” (Psychalive). For example if it tells us that we are worthless, we may get involved in friendships and relationships where we’re treated like we //are// worthless. “If it tells us that we’re stupid, we may lack confidence and make mistakes we wouldn’t make otherwise” (Psychalive). When we listen to our inner critic we are giving it power to continue controlling our lives. People experiencing feelings of self loathing often feel like they are never good enough and can’t meet the perceived standards of their peers. They have difficulty recognizing their accomplishments and positive qualities, and constantly tear themselves down.

But it’s important to challenge our inner critic and take steps towards achieving self acceptance. Self-acceptance is defined as an individual's satisfaction or happiness with oneself, and is thought to be necessary for good mental health. It isn’t about settling, it’s about falling in love with your life. Too often we forget that //we// have the power to quit or “let go” of anything that holds us back and doesn’t make us feel good about ourselves. But fear is what drives us. Fear of what others will think, fear of not living up to our potential, fear of failure. Fear holds us back from fully embracing our lives and “celebrating our achievements” (Burger). To fight our fears we must step outside our comfort zone and take a chance. When we push the limits of our comfort zone we are one step closer to accepting that we are strong and capable. I used to always think that when people said to “love yourself” that it was just stupid. But now I truly see the importance in loving yourself and accepting yourself the way you are. The America I wish to grow old in is one where people are proud of who they are, rather than ashamed; an America where people can recognize and cherish their value in life. An America where people can accept themselves as they are on both the inside and out.

Burger, Jennifer. “4 Simple Steps Towards Self-Acceptance”.[|//matterprints.tumblr.com//]//.// 1 June
 * Sources **

2016.

Coachup. “Eating Disorders Among Ballet Dancers”. [|//www.coachup.com//]//.// Coachup. 29 May

2015. 1 June 2016.

Knouse, Riley. “Eating Disorders (more specifically within the ballet Community)” (Final amex

speech)

Pietrangelo, Ann. “Depression and Mental Health by the Numbers: Facts, Statistics, and You”.

[|//www.healthline.com//]//.// 28 Jan. 2015. 1 June 2016.

Psychalive. “Why Do I hate Myself?”. [|//www.psychalive.com//]//.// 1 June 2016.

Sullivan, Mckenna. “To Hell With It” (Final amex speech)