Grayson+M’s+Final+AmEx+Speech+2017

I was born a christian. Yes I know the word comes with its miasma of stigmas, and for the most part they are pretty accurate. Some christians can be hyper conservative, controlling, prude, and snobby. But this is not how I had a come to jesus moment, or a reach into the boundaries of my soul, this is an exploration of my journey in the Christian world and what it means to me today, not once was I a blind believer, I always had my doubts. How could something so intangible dictate all that is, was, and shall ever be upon this planet? It made zero sense to me. So growing up in a Christian household felt strange to me but I went through the motions and played by all the rules. Then during the latter portion of the 2000s two issues arose in my life, an expanse in my intellect, and the presidential election of 2008. With the Obama v McCain campaign in my church I felt a massive rift begin to emerge, one I had never felt before. The majority of my church (with the exception of my parents) were very pro McCain. Which I didn’t quite understand, I saw Obama as a bright new future for America, to push us past our dominant white presidential norm and move forward socially into the 21st century. I wove Obama Biden stickers into my bicycle spokes and rode jovially into my elementary school. When I hit middle school things went downhill very quickly. During the 2012 election the rift at my church exploded. One event however defines my families divergence from that particular church. One sunday at 11am I meandered into my youth group room my Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire tucked neatly under one arm, with of course my bookmark being a “Yes We Can” bumper sticker my mom wouldn't allow me to put on our Honda. My youth pastor then took the book and began to give a lesson on how Harry Potter wh witchcraft, and reading it was a sin. I told him that I thought Harry Potter was incredibly analogous to the Messiah because he sacrificed himself out of love for his friends. He didn’t see my point. Long story short we left that church for that reason and many, partly due to some extreme misogyny exercised over my mother. My faith began to falter further than it had before, which I was struggling with. Most of my family besides my parents were incredibly traditionally christian conservative. (not politically) it was made obvious to them that I had my doubts about our belief. To them I was the family heathen. If any of you know my cousins, you are aware of their incredible genius. This contempt was lorded over my family, that somehow they didn't raise a christian enough son, and they should feel inferior. I felt this contempt for years, and it angered me. How am I any less valuable than my cousins and siblings who follow this faith so blindly? What makes my conscious decision to question the the belief a negative reflection on my personality? I decided to learn more about this faith and prove them all wrong.

It didn’t work. I dont have the greatest attention span, and dissecting the passages of 1 Corinthians as a 13 year old wasn't cutting it. Then I decided to pursue the pathos side of Christianity. I was invited to a conference in Switzerland as a violinist for their worship team. I wrote my eloquent letters to church after church to obtain scholarships and financial aid. Once the trip was covered, my cousin jonah and I headed off to Switzerland, bass and violin in hand. Switzerland opened my eyes. I saw people passionate about their faith, living in this gorgeous mansion on a hill. I thought this was a mission trip, I felt the small kindle of faith I had, ignited by the rolling beauty of the Swiss mountainsides. It was all a facade. The conference was for year round missionaries around the world to come to and relax. I was part of the worship team for them to “reinvigorate their spirits” I came home disillusioned, I wanted to go on another mission trip. An opportunity arose, Swaziland relief is a program that works hand in hand with the church I was baptised in. Bridge church in Jenkintown Pennsylvania. 30 minutes south of Philly.

Two weeks later I was packed and ready to roll. Prepared for our weeks in the heart of Southern Africa. I flew 5 hours to JFK one Saturday morning. Landed, crossed the airport and flew 14 hours to Johannesburg, then drove 8 hours into a little village south of Mbabane. This was a missions trip. On the daily at 6am trucks were loaded with hundreds of pounds of medicine, shoes, and building supplies. Each day we spent 12 hours under the African Sun supplying the people with medical relief, shoes, and shelter. The people enjoyed none of the first world benefits I had become so accustomed to, and they were more joyful regardless! They walked 9 miles each day for clean water, on gravel and dirt without protection, ate the same meals daily and wore the same school uniform annually. Clothes were not a form of self expression, phones a distant fantasy, internet connection as rare as gold, but smiles? Smiles were everywhere. Swaziland had an infectious positivity. In the face of so much pain and suffering they found so much happiness, and they found it through christ? I was awestruck. I had lived my whole life sullen and wandering, peering pessimistically at a faith that meant so much more than stuffy american churches, Mitt Romney, grandmas pre dinner prayers, and side glances at me whenever the bible came up. The faith meant a hope, a hope that blossomed in their souls, ad began to blossom in mine. An infectious love that would radiate through all. I don’t pray, or follow the ten commandments with an iron fist. Some of christianity's rules are ridiculous, Homosexuality a sin? Sex before marriage even worse? A 21st century christian doesn't spend cushy time in switzerland, doesn't complain about politics, but gets shit done in the places where it matters, and loves people in small daily ways, a christian should talk about the topics that bring up controversy, most seem to ignore the issues that plague our religion, and that's what bothers me most. In Ventura especially, christians feel elitist, like they have some precious secret to hid from the rest of the world, like a competition to see who can be the best christian, and they are doing it all wrong, thank you.