Josie+T’s+Final+AmEx+Speech+2017

[Me smacking my head against the podium really hard]

How’s that for an introduction?

Hopefully, now that I have your attention, I can talk about something that is near and dear to my heart. Something that just makes me want to smash my head against the podium. I even wrote my Muckraker on it, though I’m assuming none of you have read it, because I turned it in late. That being said, I do want to acknowledge that I’m going to be recycling some material and and ideas from that. I’m not going to try and emulate anyone else’s speeches, brilliant as though they may be, or even my own muckraker, because this is something I need to say in my own sincere, tangent running, rambling, annoying voice. It won’t be perfect, but it’ll be mine, flaws and all.

Anyway, I’m going to be talking about the concept of perfection and being a perfectionist. I’m a perfectionist. I don’t know how surprising this is to you; on some levels it’s really obvious but on others it doesn’t really make sense. My room is “an absolute pigsty” and “utterly disgusting”, I procrastinate things way more than I need to - by the way, I started writing this speech at 11:22 pm, the night before. I’m actually proud that I didn’t do it this morning. That’s how bad it's gotten for me. When I was in middle school I was baffled by the phrase “due tomorrow, do tomorrow”, and now it’s become my reality. Still, I am a perfectionist. I expect good grades, good results, and I need to know what I got on the practical Mrs. Anderson, I have an A- in the class, please tell me. I got a 30 by the way. While I am still a perfectionist, so is Clayton Brossia, who probably read the entire APUSH textbook, and did every chapter packet, every assignment for physio, and every math homework and review, instead of just copying them somewhere. So what’s the difference between a perfectionist like me and one like Clayton Brossia, who, you know, can create a schedule and actually stick to it? Let me tell you this: not all perfectionists are created equal.

Types of perfectionism can be identified through the source of the pressure; it can be self-oriented or socially-prescribed, coming from yourself or others respectively. It turns out that socially-prescribed perfectionists procrastinate way more than self-oriented ones, tend to have lower self esteem, are less productive, and have less career success (Drapkin). My perfectionism is a mix of both, probably leaning more towards socially-prescribed.

Perfectionism is the desire to be faultless, perfect. Perfectionism is having absurdly high standards set for oneself, and becoming distraught when they’re not met. Perfectionism is pushing yourself too hard, in the pursuit of perfection. Perfectionism is low self esteem. Perfectionism is crying- a lot- when you can’t do something. Perfectionism is not trying, for fear of failing. Perfectionism is procrastinating, because it’s really hard to muster the motivation to do something if you know there’s no possible way it’s going to meet yours or other people’s standards. Perfectionism is burn-out, and forfeiting effort altogether.

See, the nice thing about not trying is that there’s no accountability. If you don’t try, you can’t fail. Of course you got a B in that class, you were putting in minimal effort. By not trying, you save yourself from the pain of failure. If “perfect” is unattainable, what’s the point in striving for it, or even trying at all?

Clinical Psychologist Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo said,"Perfectionists have an all-or-nothing mindset that's propelled by a crippling fear of failure” (Harnish). [Pause, nodding] Same. It really is “all-or-nothing”. Sometimes I don’t check my work, I don’t check my answers on tests, I don’t study; opposingly, I can be “all in”, spending hours working on a speech, or checking and editing every single line of our 7000 word microbio paper.

I see perfectionists all around me; after all, I’m in the Bioscience academy, I’m in AP classes. I see it in the competitions we have with each other. I see kids in a constant struggle to one-up each other. You hear it all the time. Maybe you’re talking with friends, or in your Trig class, when a friend asks,”Oh, what did you get on the physio test?” [With Feeling] Such a great friend, right, wondering how you did. Spoiler alert: Whenever people ask what score you got on something, they’re not really curious about how you did. They don’t care about you. They just want to know how they did, in comparison to you. They want to validate themselves, tell themselves that they’re perfect, but when perfect doesn’t check out, they want to be better than others. They compare themselves to quiet their insecurities, to give themselves confidence. But self worth based wholly on competition isn’t confidence. It can’t be. Confidence is internal, any if you validate yourself through external means then it simply cannot be confidence. It can be perceived superiority masquerading insecurity, but hey, I digress. I will admit that I’m guilty of this as well. But there’s nothing wrong with a little competition, right? Well, actually. These high levels of competition- to do well on tests, to be a good athlete, to get into a good college- all are damaging to us, the students. How can you possibly compete with someone who has a 5.0 and has 3 school records in track, unless you’re at par or better? I’m not completely exaggerating when I say that competition leads to indoctrination of students as perfectionists, i.e. anxious sacs of stress, consumed with an impossible feat and a deathly phobia of failure. We like competition so much, we even have stress competitions. Like, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.

So, I’ve rambled enough, running tangent to tangent. I’ve talked my perspective, but here’s a quote from Psychology Today,”Even though [|perfectionists] are often high-achievers, they are also at risk for [|eating disorders], sexual dysfunction, [|obsessive-compulsive disorder] , [|depression] , [|divorce] , and [|suicide]. They lead a life of continual [|anxiety] and [|fear] of failure”. (Riggio) [Nodding]. You know, like the people who hang themselves at Stanford after getting their first B. Those people. I don’t know how applicable this topic is to each and every one of you, after all, not everyone is a perfectionist, and no two perfectionists are created equal. But I am here to talk about a small word that plagues us all.

Perfect. I hate that word. As long as it exists, like Alexander Hamilton and Angelica Schuyler, I will never be satisfied. Sorry, bad reference, but I had to.

I want to live in an America without the word perfect. Without societal, internal, or external pressures to do perfect[ly], to be perfect. I want an America where mistakes are allowed, and it’s the effort that’s encouraged, not the results. I want to live in an America where I can make mistakes without feeling like a failure. Where I don’t feel bad about getting a C, or missing every single shot in water polo, or losing every single time I debated, especially against someone who had been debating for their first time. I want an America where I don’t break down in tears or have a panic attack in response to a perceived failure or when someone criticizes me. I want an America where we strive for excellence, not perfection, and don’t need to validate ourselves by dragging others down. I want an America where we acknowledge that we are all flawed human beings, and that’s what makes us who we are. I want to grow old in an America without that abhorrent seven lettered word. Thank you.

Sources

Drapkin, Jennifer. "The Pitfalls of Perfectionism." Psychology Today. Sussex Publishers, 01 Sept. 2005. Web. 13 June 2017. Harnish, Amelia. “Why Perfectionism Could Be Killing You.” Health.com. Web. 13 June 2017. Riggio, Ronald E. “Which Type of Perfectionist Are You?” Psychology Today. Sussex Publishers, 03 Feb. 2015. Web. 13 June 2017.