Cali+M’s+Final+AmEx+2013+Speech

=I hate being a cynic.=

I hate that I am a cynic. And I know this statement alone evokes some pessimistic sense of irony. But its true. I wish I had more faith in humanity; but as being a cynic I believe my hatred for things is somewhat justified. One aspect of human interaction I hate is the abuse of punctuation. Specifically exclamation points. One is acceptable every now and then, on a special occasion or to show excitement. However when I’m conversing with someone over text and ask them what they are doing, and receive the response of “Going to the store!” with five exclamation points; don’t expect me to ever speak to you again. Yeah, I go to the store too, but never am I that excited as to warrant one, let alone five exclamation points. If going grocery shopping is the highlight of your week, then you need to get out more. Another thing I can’t comprehend about Americans is the fact that far too many individuals can’t decipher the difference between they’re, their, and there. Like come on, we learned this in 3rd grade. If you use the incorrect version of there, and you are out of elementary school, I have lost all respect for you. Something that just perplexes me is why people think it makes sense to press the crosswalk button over and over and over again. No, sorry to shatter your theory but creating a constant high pitch beeping sound does not make the light turn any quicker. All you are accomplishing is establishing yourself as an obnoxious idiot. One more thing which drives me insane is the over and mis use of the words legitimately and literally. First off, people don’t say legitimately, they shorten it to a made up word known as legitly. So now we are using fake words, where they don’t need to be. When the kid beside me in math class says “I legitly hate this”, I lose it. Oh really? I was doubting your hatred for the subject with your constant sighing and obvious annoyance with the lesson; but thanks for making it clear. Now I know you really hate it. Then there is the literally. Except instead of using this word where it actually need be, it gets used in the complete antithesis of its definition. “I literally ran 500 miles”. Nooo, you ran one lap around the track. Or “I’m literally starving”, really? Because you’re only waiting in line at McDonald’s for the second time today. So I would beg to differ. Now besides these pet peevish type problems, I am cynical to broader aspects of human interaction. I’ve lost faith in people’s honesty. I think depression is underrated. People tell you, “Oh cheer up!”, but its not that easy. You can’t just decide to be happy after some circumstances. I want to be happy, but it’s not that simple. It’s my experience which guides me since my heartbreak. I thought I knew what sadness was prior to it; but I didn’t. I mean, not really. I had read about it in books, and seen it portrayed in movies. But I really had no idea. I didn’t know the numb, shaking, helplessness of it all. The declining interest in everything that once made me happy. I think what changed in me the most was the fact that I didn’t laugh anymore. The pain radiated so far as to affect my every instinct to be happy, even a momentary aspect. I was dismayed to find that grief is so much like fear. I do not mean grief, as in that this boy I loved died. He simply took my innocence and made me love him; broke my heart, and left. By losing him, I became afraid to get close to anyone. I know, I know, you’re all thinking, doesn’t this girl belong on a pathetic tumblr page? And rolling your eyes as I speak these words. Judging me as naïve or assuming that I am overreacting. But that’s okay, I don’t expect or need anyone to understand. I don’t need sympathy or pity. Its been said that the people who know you the best can hurt you the worst. I find an immense amount of truth in this statement. This year I lost almost everyone I was close with. Those of you who heard rumors around school will choose to believe those when I say this; but no one will ever really know what happened. Or how it feels to be utterly alone. I’ve become cynical towards letting people in, and believing in what they say. I’ve become uncomfortably guarded. I’ve grown cold and developed a rough exterior in light of the things that have happened to me. All I want is to shake this cynical shadow that hangs over me. I want to return to an optimistic outlook; I want to feel empty no longer. And I’m trying. I’m trying to see the silver lining. And that’s what I wish for in America. I wish not to see everyone as optimists; I just wish to see less cynics. And an attempt to see a silver lining.