Mr.+Fitz's+Final+AmEx+2015+Speech

__ A Little Sympathy for the Devil, Teacher! __ Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a teacher of wealth and taste, and I've been doing this for a long long time, even stole many a student's soul and made it into a history fact-pattern, but allow me to explain myself, for what keeps me up at night is the faith in my students' eyes, and let me offer this as the America I Want to Grow Old In:


 * Don’t ask me if you “missed anything important” during an absence? **
 * No, you didn’t miss anything important. We spent the whole hour watching //Drunk History // on YouTube!
 * Of course you missed something important! This is an AP course and I think everything I do and say is important.
 * Simply put, Don't Miss My Class! and Don't Close Your Eyes!
 * If you’re concerned about what you missed, try this: Do the reading, get notes from a classmate (if you don’t have any friends in class, ask me if I’ll send an email to help you find one), read them over, and drop by during FIRE to discuss anything you didn’t understand.

**Don’t pad your introductions and conclusions with fluff.**
 * Never start off a paper with the phrase, “Since the beginning of time …” “Since the beginning of time, men have engaged in war.” Wait, what? Like, the big bang? And, anyway, how the heck do //you // know? You better have a damn strong citation for that! “Historically,” “Traditionally,” and “Throughout history” are equally bad offenders. Strike them from your vocabulary now.
 * In your conclusion, say something smart. Or, barring that, just say what you said. But never say: “Hopefully someday there will be no war.” Duh. We’d all like that, but unless you’ve got ideas as to how to make it that way, such statements are simple hopefulness and inappropriate in an academic paper.

**Don’t pack up your things as the class is ending. In fact, STOP looking at the clock.**
 * I get it. The minute hand is closing in on the end of class and you hear something like “For next time …” That’s the cue for the students to start putting their stuff away. Once one person does it, it’s like an avalanche of notebooks slapping closed, backpack zippers zipping, and cell phones coming out. Don’t do it.
 * Just wait 10 more seconds until the class is actually over. If you don’t, it makes it seem as if you are //<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.5;">dying //<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.5;"> to get out of there and, hey, that hurts my feelings!

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">**Don’t get mad if you receive critical feedback.**
 * <span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.5;">If and when I take a red pen and massacres your writing, that’s a sign I care.
 * <span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.5;">Giving negative feedback is hard work, so the red ink means that I'm taking an interest in you and your future.
 * <span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.5;">Moreover, I know it’s going to make some students angry but I do it anyway because I care enough about you to try to help you become a stronger thinker and writer. It’s counterintuitive, but lots of red ink is probably a sign that I think you have a lot of potential.

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">**Don’t grade grub.**
 * <span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.5;"> Please come and visit me throughout the semester to find out how to study better or improve your performance, or to talk history.
 * <span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.5;"> And if you come in upset about a score, I will listen, but don’t go in expecting to change my mind about the grade.
 * <span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.5;">Put your energy into studying harder on the next exam and essay, doing the reading, and raising your hand in class. That will have more of a payoff in the long run.
 * <span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;"> And whatever you do, don't send me an email begging for me to reconsider your final class grade. The 77%, 87% grade bump is nothing more than urban legend. I have thought long and hard and even discussed your performance with Mrs. Kindred. This is a University Level course. Treat the result as such.

Yes, this is the nature of my game!



Adapted from 10 Things Every College Professor Hates, by Lisa Wade.