Ethan+F's+Final+AmEx+2015+Speech


 * Title of Speech <-- do I leave this part in or what **

// I'm sick of doing this crap //


 * Text of Speech **

It’s Thursday, June 4th as I sit here at my desk cranking out this speech. I’ve written two others so far; one about censorship and the other about my heritage. I spent several days on the censorship one until I hit a rut on Tuesday. Halfway through, I didn’t like the direction I was taking it and didn’t see how I could fix the path without deleting all of the points I wanted to make in the first place. It got scrapped and I started a new one that day. In my second speech I talked about my ancestors and how they were filthy peasants, but how they were great filthy peasants and how I was proud of them. I wrapped up that one Wednesday night. Thursday, I got home, sat at my desk with every intention of reciting my speech for practice, and promptly took a three hour nap waiting for Google Docs to open. I awoke and opened my documents and read my speech aloud to time it. As I was reading it, I came to the gradual realization that I hated every single word of it. The jokes were forced, the pacing was unnatural, the transitions were stale. I stared in disbelief at the 3 pages of garbage before me, basking in contempt of my creation.

Several thoughts went through my head for the next several hours. I contemplated reviving my first speech on censorship. I contemplated trying to salvage parts of the second speech and rebuilding it. I contemplated a lot of things for a long time.

Eventually I opened up a new document and started thinking of new ideas I could quickly pretend to care about. So here’s everything I managed to think of at eleven o’clock last night.

My favorite food is pasta. I’ve always loved the chewy consistency of noodles. I’ve also always liked the sauce that accompanies most pastas, because their creamy textures complement the noodles quite nicely. I also have a serious sweet tooth. Every weekend I eat a big bag of candy from the market, and throughout every day of the week I go through sugar withdrawal. I need candy to survive. I also really hate bitter foods. They’ve never been appealing to me, especially dark chocolate. It tries so hard to be sweet and succulent but ends up ruining my hopes and dreams.

My favorite subject is History. I think it’s incredibly interesting to hear about the stories of the entire world. Conversely, my least favorite subject is English (sorry Mrs. Kindred). I’ve never liked the concept that there are multiple accepted ways to say things and only so many are correct because people who I’ve never met arbitrarily deemed it so.

It bugs me whenever people say they plug in flash drives wrong every time because I don’t think I’ve ever plugged a flash drive in wrong once in my life. All you have to do is look into the metal bit before plugging it in. The concept is not difficult to grasp.

Generally I try not to be a violent person, but I’ve never genuinely wanted to strangle someone to death more than when my brother shaves his beard at our bathroom sink and doesn’t clean up the trimmings. The fact that somebody can legitimately look at a counter they just covered in facial hair and say, “This is too much cleaning to be my problem” and the fact that this person is related to me pushes me to the brink of insanity.

Middle schoolers are the cockiest bunch of assholes I’ve ever met. Some of them know their place in the pecking order, which is fantastic. But some think they’re such hot shit and it’s just unbelievable. The other day, I was biking home at a leisurely pace when a couple of them started harassing me. When I told them to piss off, one of them shouted, “Do you wanna freaking go?!” in a squeaky middle schooler voice, and I’ve never actually laughed in someone’s face that hard in my entire life. To close things off, I believe a lot of us need to adopt a new policy on life. I heard a lot of people this year complaining about how stressed out they were from their unending work load. The only thing I have to say is, while we have good reasons to stress out, we really shouldn’t. I made off with good grades this year, and I know that a lot of you guys are way smarter than me. You’re all capable of doing pretty much anything you want or going anywhere you want to go. You guys are the smartest people I’ve ever met. Never sell yourselves short.


 * Cite your sources **

__//Make me//__ That's right you can't.