Kat+B’s+Final+AmEx+Speech+2017

An America that I want to live in

Let me start by addressing some of the questions that I have been asked through my seventeen years of being a twin. Let’s start off with the most common one.

No, my twin BROTHER and I are NOT identical twins. So, since often times our different genders aren’t enough to give it away, I will just tell you, we are fraternal twins.

And Despite the tricks we tried to play on friends when we were kids, we do not have twin telepathy and when he broke his collarbone, I did not feel it.

I was born at 9:23pm and he was born at 9:24, making me one minute older, so yes we share the same birthday. And despite my older age, I was born at only 4 pounds and 9 ounces while he was 6 pounds and 5 ounces.

No, we have never pretended to be each other, we are not identical so I don’t think we could pull it off.

And finally, for the many people who didn’t know we were twins freshmen year and thought the reason we were together so much was because we were dating, well you were wrong.

In my perfect world, twins would not be asked these ridiculous questions. While I can take a joke and play along with some of the twin stereotypes, they get old. As funny as you think you are, you are not as clever as you thought because I can guarantee that you are not the first person to ask me that joke of a question.

As annoying as these questions can be, I can’t help but ask myself, do I really have the right to be mad? A lot of these people are just trying to make conversation, right? I mean wasn’t it my brother and I, twins ourselves, that played up the twin jokes when we were younger? And is the person really to blame for the stereotypes, or is it what pop culture has taught them?

Through movies, books, and other forms of pop culture, society has been taught that twins dress the same, look the same, talk the same, act the same, think the same, and finish each other’s sentences. Or, they are portrayed as complete and polar opposites of each other with completely different interests, looks, personalities, and strengths.

In pop culture, twins are always labeled. There are the pretty twins, the nice twins, the scary twins, trouble making twins, the intelligent twins and even the long lost twins.

Take these famous twins for example: Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, James and Oliver Phelps aka Fred and George Weasley, Dylan and Cole Sprouse aka Cody and Zack Martin, Emily and Haley Ferguson for you bachelor fans, and the Lindsay Lohan “twins” from the Parent Trap.

In The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, Dylan and Cole played twin characters who were very similar in looks and mannerisms but were very different in personality with Cody being the “smart one” and Zack being the “trouble maker.” However, despite their character’s opposite personalities, the actors will be forever known as “the cute” twins from Disney Channel. And despite the fact thatMary-Kate and Ashley are actually fraternal twins, their similar appearances gave them the ability to take turns playing Michelle Tanner in the hit TV show Full House, causing them to be portrayed as one person. Emily and Haley are labeled the “dumb blonde” or “air headed” twins while Fred and George Weasley are the “funny” twins.

While the stereotype may be different for each set, twins are often portrayed as being so much alike that they are almost like two copies of the same person. They are nothing but a twin, that is their only identity. Twins are always stuck together as one person, as if they are each only half of a person who needs the other in order to make a full person. But is that true? Would we not know Lane and Noel’s last name if they weren't so often referred to as the Domke twins? Would Izabelle be less interesting if she didn’t have Elizabeth? Am I incomplete and worth less by myself than I am when I am with my brother?

It’s ideas like this that frustrate me. By labeling and comparing twins, you are taking away their right to have their own identity and personality. Twins come from the same DNA and may share some physical characteristics. They typically have the same family, therefore they have been raised extremely similarly and have had many of the same experiences. Therefore isn’t it natural to have some of the same mannerisms, interests, and appearances as each other? But isn’t this true for siblings that aren’t twins as well?

The constant questions and comparisons directed towards twins need to stop. I want to live in an America where I won’t be asked who’s better at math? Who’s better at English? Who is faster, stronger, smarter, funnier, or cooler? It’s embarrassing when someone asks me what grade I got on the physio test and then immediately asks me what my brother got because his grade is always higher than mine and although it may be subconsciously or unintentionally, I can feel the judgment.

When I look mt my aunts who are fraternal twins, I see the difficulties that the stereotypes brought. Tami was not as strong academically and was held back in second grade. Being twins in two different grades brought on hardships for both Tami and Cheryl. It would not have been as big of a deal that Tami was held back in school if she didn’t have a twin sister. Tami always felt like she was less intelligent, uglier, and not as popular as her sister was. However, Cheryl felt that she was less athletic, less kind, and less fun than her sister. While I know that all siblings are compared to one another, the comparisons between my aunts were looked at even more closely because they were twins and both female.

People think it’s wonderful to have a twin, and they sometimes even have some fantasy about it. And I get it, sometimes it’s great. On long road trips, drives to school and family events there is always someone to hang out with. It was fun growing up and always having a friend to play legos, Race Cars, Star Wars, Barbies, Dolls, and Dress up with. We have had some great times and amazing memories together and I love my brother and wouldn’t trade him for anything. However, we are still siblings and we still fight and don’t always get along. Because I like to be independent, I don’t necessarily like that we have some of the same classes. But most of all, I don’t like being a twin because I hate being compared to him.

People may not realize how asking questions and making comparisons can affect twins and their self esteems. While my life has not been severely altered and I promise that I won’t be angry if you ask me a question, I ask that you do be mindful when you ask. Even though twins are fairly common with 34 twins born for every 1,000 births as of 2014, I know that it is still fascinating. But, I would like to live in an America where twins won’t have to feel the constant battle of being similar enough so that they can’t be labeled the “dumb” or “unathletic” or “mean” twin, while trying to be different enough so that they can be individuals. I want to live in an America where the first label that people that happen to be a twin receive isn’t “twin.” I want to live in an America where twins can be individuals and can posses the tight bond that twins often have without being seen as one person or just an extension of the other. And while pop culture doesn’t appear to see a problem in the stereotypes that they promote, it is my hope that our generation can admire the beauty and miracle of twins while also taking away the constant comparisons and judgments.