Haley+P’s+Final+AmEx+2015+Speech

I Exist Too, You know.

About 30% of suicides are due to a sexuality crisis. That is unacceptable. It's heartbreaking. It hits home. I am bisexual. I am part of that group that has this thick fog of stigma. People will say things like ¨You're either gay or straight. Pick one,¨, even gay men and lesbians will spit this kind of, for the lack of a better word, bullshit. (Yes, even queers can be close-minded. Shocker.) I am sick of it. I'll start from the beginning. Since I can remember I have always had an interest in females, even if I was preoccupied by the foolish boys in my elementary and middle school classes. I didn't think much of it, not until 7th and 8th grade. I had this best friend. Her and I, we were like sisters. So why did I have romantic thoughts about her? At the time, I told myself, ¨Ew, gross. What the hell is wrong with you?¨ I was never opposed to anyone who wasn't straight, but she was my best friend and I never thought I could be, well, slightly ¨gay¨. At two points in our relationship we stopped talking and at both points I was heartbroken and lost. I cried for hours before I would actually fall asleep. I was in agonizing pain, but it was normal, right? It wasn't until a year or so ago, while in the midst of another sexual identity crisis, I had realized that middle school me had been in love with her best friend. That’s when I began to feel trapped and reading all the crap online about how people view bisexuals, even homosexuals themselves, made it worse. I was angry; so very angry. Many had said that homosexuality was unnatural or a sin, but my sexuality didn’t even exist! My anger would then escape me, leaving me drained of energy, of everything. I felt defeated and trapped within myself. Once the anger slipped away, the tears rolled in. The dam broke and sadness flooded my being. Now why must I tell such a personal story? I say why not? Why not explain how people’s ignorance doesn’t just happen to people you don’t know in places you’ve never been to. It’s real and it affects me. For years I felt like shit and all I could do was cry because I didn’t know what to do. And because of the ignorant, the doubt ran rampant in my mind. ‘Maybe I’m not bisexual. Maybe I’m lying to myself.’ Or maybe it’s the incredibly dense morons who spread the lies. For example, apparently bisexuals are sluts. Well, I guess I’m a slut then, right? It’s also said that bisexual women, like myself, only do it to turn men on because I only live to serve men, and their sexual fantasies. (Not all men are like this, okay? I get that.) Or my absolute favorite: “bisexuals” are confused. In article written by Anna Pulley called 9 Stupid Myths About Bisexuals That Will Make You Laugh she says, “A gay man I met a bar once told me that bisexuals ¨just can't make up their minds¨ to which she replied, ¨I don't have a problem making up my mind. For instance, I think you're an asshole.¨ Seriously though, people forget or don't know or understand that my sexuality is exists among the LGBTQIA community. (Which stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer, intersex, asexual/ally, and, although it is not included in the acronym pansexuality exists, as well.) It's not the gay community. It's not gay marriage. It's not gay or straight. It is not black and white. I'm sorry that I don't fit in your cookiecutter box. I'm sorry I'm not straight. I'm sorry I'm not lesbian. I'm sorry I am me. But you know what? I am not sorry. I will never be sorry. You can Ar-go fuck yourself (Fitz movie joke) if you are close minded on such subjects. If anything, I feel sorry for the ignorant, the dense, the stupid. You know what kind of America I want to grow old in? The kind where people can understand others; to sympathize, to emphasize. I want people to realize that my sexuality is my goddamn business. For it means nothing, and yet it means everything. Let me explain: my sexuality should mean nothing to you, and my sexuality should, and it does, mean everything to me. I am sick and tired of people who try to dictate certain aspects of my life such as this. Do not tell me who I can and cannot be. Do not take a piece of me and throw it away like a crumpled piece of newspaper with a story that no one wants to hear. You cannot delete a piece of me with the press of a key on a keyboard, I can assure you. You cannot erase any part of me without erasing me as a whole. I want for people to be open-minded for once. I want them to be kind and not be, well, assholes. I want you and you and you (points at random people in audience) to look within yourselves. Would you want to be scrutinized for something so personal? Would you want to be criticized for being yourself? Look, I am angry for a good reason. I want all of you as well as others, in the future, to understand that we are all humans who just want to be understood, if possible. That all of us humans are equal, regardless. In the America I want to grow old in, I want for an America where people keep an open mind, as well as open eyes and recognize that sexuality is a spectrum like everything else because bisexuality does exist. I exist.